The first lines came to me as I was sitting in my bed at Byron Katie’s School for the Work, and I started writing in automatic writing style for a while, and here is the result.
I see my father’s body in the coffin. I touch his face, I kiss him on the cheek and for a moment I believe that that’s him.
But then I look at him again and see this broken structure, this broken body, and I start realizing that it is just a broken vehicle, nothing more than a broken car or a broken bicycle.
I have already had my bike broken, I have already had my car broken, and yet I’m still there.
What proof have I that for my father’s body it is different ?
I just believe that people die because I don’t believe in God and because science says so. But does it make it true ?
Has the future never proven science wrong ?
There was a time science believed the sun turned around Earth. What does science say now ?
So now let me get back to the car cemetery. I see my father’s broken vehicle, and I look at him carefully, and I start getting curious : where did he go ?
I see him :
« Shit, that body really was quite weak, and easy to get rid of ! Now I can start my exploration faster.
Where should I go ?
Let’s first go to the insect world, let’s get super small, zoom in and fly around between the grass blades. I see that ant, it reminds me of that movie where the father shrinks his children by mistake, and the children befriend an ant and it gets killed by a scorpion.
How hard must it be to be an ant !
Nearly anything can crush you !
Let’s be honest : ant life sucks !
They keep working all the time, get attacked by everything and have kids randomly throwing rocks at them and burning them with a magnifying glass.
By the way darling, I’m sorry for all your brothers and sisters I did that to.
Alright, done with that ant, although I could certrainly spend days trying to understand how thei live their lives and to what extent they can talk to each other.
Can you imagine ? We accuse them of barely being able to talk just because we don’t understand what they’re saying. But maybe they are complete spiritual masters, totally in the present mometn and loving what is to the extreme possible limits.
Thousands of potential teachers and I have burnt and tortured so many of them : I’m no better than the Chinese government with thre Tibetans. Sorry again darling, keep up the good work !
Now where should I go next ?
I fly next to a little whole in the ground and I can see the spider at the entry of it. I notice the fear in me, I’m glad I’m invisible, but am I really ? I hope so ! At least it doesn’t seem to be interested in attacking me right now. And by the way, is it really ever « attacking » ? Or is it just either hunting for foor or defending itself ?
This little dude is sitting there, ready to hunt a prey, but it doesn’t seem to be having fun here, and doesn’t feel angry either, just in survival mode.
Wht wouldn’t I eat if it was a matter of survival ? This very thought makes me shudder., and certainly not superior to this or any other spider.
But at least I’ve never tortured spiders, I’ve just killed many of them, and mostly when I was too scared of getting bitten to just put it outside. But I have many times too, I mean just taken one and putting it outside.
Not so bad for a juman being who’s been told his whole life animals don’t think (or barely).
Where should I go next ?
I’m kind of bored with insects right now, let’s go to the desert.
Wow I just arrived in Egypt in an instant, that’s crazy, I can’t believe I used to have to take planes and taxis and all the other lame-ass human transports.
And by the way, who decided that desert was a part of Egypt ?
Was there a sign when they arrived saying « Egypt » ? And a ribbon going all over the country to delineate it ?
Or did a guy just came in and said : « well this region up to the sea there and the mountains here is Egypt. Oh and by the way, it’s mine. Me, me, me, me, me ! »
And nobody said anything ?
What about you God, were you not looking ? Or do you just not care whether people give names and steal things which belong to you ?
And by the way, what did you call Egypt before this guy came in ?
Not sure why but I feel like he is answering that giving names to smaller parts of the whole is stupid.
Well I’m not sure I can contradict you on that but mind your tongue God, I can get offended any minute if I want to, just watch me : Gnieeeeeeeeh !
Can you see how ngry and offended I look ? Any minute I’m telling you so be careful !
Anyway, so where was I ? Oh yes, the desert !
Wow it’s hot in here !
Well, wait, is it really hot or am I making it up just because I know I would be hot in that old crappy vehicle of mine ?
Yeah actually I can see the heat from the little vapor or vibrations or whatever it’s called (you know, what you sometimes see above your heater).
I can see the heat quite clearly but do I feel it ?
Actually I don’t ! Wow, what an upgrade from my older vehicle ! Let’s go to Antartica !
Aha ! I knew it !
I don’t feel the cooooold ! I can run around naked !
Oh yeah right, I don’t have a body anymore… Fuck ! That would have been funny to just run around naked on the ice and make it melt with my … Wait, I may be going too far in my description…Dick !
Okay I said it, is it such a big deal ? Does a joke become a crime if it’s not funny to some ?
Well I certainly don’t want to offend anybody but is it really my business if you get offended ?
After all oyu can choose to get offended any minute just to make me wrong like I sometimes do.
You want me to do it again ?
There it is ! I’m super offended about the fact that you’re offended about the fact that I’m offended abotu the fact that you’re offended, or something like this…
And don’t start complaining or I’ll offend myself again !
You know me… aaaaany minute I say !
Alright next destination ?
To my son’s bed. He’s there in a hotel for some School, he seems to be enjoying himself writing on his notebook, I’ll leave him there, I may freak him out and stop his creativity if I appear, and actually it suits me, I have other places to go to.
Where next ? Show me ?
Ahh, I kind of felt it : planets !
But where ? Oh, I catch myself wanting a name again, or a planet I already know about.
But this one is unheard of. It’s red, and a bit blue, but mostly red, as if full of sand in the air.
Let’s get closer. It’s mostly desert, and oceans or seas here and there.
In an instant I felt it was gonna be boring but let’s try it out anyway.
Let me sit my non-existant ass on the top of this dune overlooking the ocean.
I feel the wind as if I still had my body. It’s strange. I know I shouldn’t and yet I do.
Which gets me thinking : was it ever my body feeling the wind ? Or was I feeling it from the inside as I am now ?
I feel so calm and quite right now. Time slows down.
I feel like I can smell the wind now, and touch it.
I notice myself trying to taste it, and surprisingly I do ! It tastes like nothing I can compare it to but it does have a taste. A bit like mineral water, like the regular kind : no taste but yet a taste.
I’m trying to see the wind now.
I’m seeing the sand in the wind but not the wind itself.
And I notice myself getting a but frustrated because if I managed to touch and feel and taste and smell the wind i should be able to see it.
And yet is it true that I should ?
I don’t know the rules, maybe I can do everything but that one, and do I care so much after all ?
Not really, there are other things I’ll be able to see later !
Alright, where next ?
Damn it feels like this trip could go on forever. Yet do I want it to ?
Well it feels like a yes. At least from what I know for now, it’s a yes, but only if I can pause from time to time, like if I can hang myself on a coat hanger or a hanger for a while.
Are ther hangers for souls ? Can we park like we park our cars in those big japanese parking lots ? We get pulled up and lodged on a plateform above the other souls ?
Am I a soul by the way ?
What is a soul ?
What am I ?
Am I ?
I don’t know !
Well I’m kind of lost for words there !
Am I ?
What if I just accepted the « I don’t know » like the only answer ?
Well, I’ll just stop caring about it and keep exploring the universe.
Wait, is there a universe ?
Uni-verse, what a funny word !
The verse unified – a beautiful story with rhymes and stuff.
It feels true actually : the uni-verse is a beautiful story, a beautiful poem that never ends, I can go on and on, it never ends as long as I never stop telling the story.
And I can stop actually, and then start again, and the story continues
Wait, what if you started telling the story ?
Would that be a continuation of the same uni-verse ?
Let’s try, that can be fun. Take your pen, and I’ll give you space.
Here is space :